n. a month in which I have lost count on how many times I have wanted to put myself into a medically induced coma and just wake up on the first of November.

She snuggles up to her sadness, thinking about all the years she spent trying to get rid of it. One day she just had to accept her sadness is here to stay. Not forever probably, but for a long time to come. So she stopped fighting against it, and she tried to get used to that nagging feeling in her stomach reminding her of all that is wrong in her life. There is nothing she can do now, but treat her sadness as if it is a friend. Spend time with it, listen to it, understand where it is coming from, talk to it, bargain with it and, when necessary, ignore it, but never for long. At one point she almost gave her sadness a name, she had already narrowed her choice down to Elizabeth and Sophie, when she realized her imagination was running wild again. She knows she has to be careful not to get too attached. One day her sadness is going to leave her and when it does, it shouldn’t be a painful moment. It should be a bittersweet moment, like releasing an animal you cared for back into the wild. Maybe you can name your sadness after you have let her go, stranger.